Dear Ones,
Let me share a truth I’ve learned over many years of living, loving, and stumbling along this beautiful, messy path of life: The voice of your inner critic is not your enemy. It’s a part of you, shaped by the life you’ve lived and the lessons you’ve absorbed. For a long time, I thought mine was here to torment me—to remind me of every mistake, every shortcoming, every way I didn’t measure up. But as the years unfolded, I came to see it differently.
This voice, sharp as it may be, has its roots in fear. Fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, fear of failing to live the life we are meant to live. For many of us, these fears are planted early, in childhood homes where love felt conditional or acceptance felt elusive. My inner critic was born from these wounds, whispering that if I just worked harder, performed better, or looked a certain way, I’d finally be worthy.
Does this sound familiar to you?
A Shift in Perspective
What if, instead of silencing or ignoring this voice, we listened with compassion? What if we met its criticism with curiosity? Over time, I learned to see my inner critic as a protector of sorts—misguided but well-meaning. It’s been trying to shield me from disappointment or hurt by keeping me “perfect” or “safe.”
So now, when I hear it speak, I pause. I breathe. I remind this voice that we’re in this together, but I’m the one in charge. It can accompany me on my journey, but it doesn’t get to steer the ship.
Rewriting the Narrative
Here’s a practice that has been transformative for me:
Name the Critic. Give it an identity that feels distinct. It helps to externalize its voice so you can better separate it from your own. Mine is “The Perfectionist,” always pointing out flaws and pushing for impossible standards.
Ask What It’s Trying to Protect. Beneath its sharp words is often a tender fear. What is it afraid will happen if you don’t heed its warnings?
Speak to It with Compassion. Imagine it’s a frightened child who only knows how to shout. What words of comfort might you offer? For me, it’s as simple as saying, “I hear you. I know you’re scared. But I’ve got this.”
Refocus Your Energy. Instead of feeding its fear, turn toward self-compassion. Write yourself a letter from the perspective of a wise, loving friend—or even your future self.
From Self-Doubt to Empowerment
The journey to quiet self-doubt isn’t about silencing the inner critic—it’s about transforming your relationship with it. When you see it for what it is—a scared part of you, not the whole of you—it loses its power to control your life.
In the process, you’ll uncover a deeper truth: You are inherently worthy. Not because of what you’ve accomplished or how perfectly you’ve navigated life, but because you are alive. You are light. You are love.
I share this with you not as someone who has it all figured out, but as someone who’s walked this road long enough to see its beauty and its challenges. Wherever you are on your path, know this: You are not alone. And the critic within you? It’s not your enemy. It’s just waiting to be heard, understood, and gently reminded of who’s in charge.
With love and compassion,
Debbie
Comments